I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sober January is a disaster.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
