i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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