just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
