Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
