I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize