Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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