oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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