do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize