Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
