We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need to calm my uterus...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
