His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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