ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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