Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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