you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
