OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
