How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
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It's no shave November. This is our time.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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