you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
