Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I've blown a few things in my day
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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