i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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