Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
