his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize