3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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