Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
