I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
