Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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