The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
