There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
