I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
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just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
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I think weed is turning my hair brown
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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