i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
