based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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