They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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