Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
