i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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