And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
