Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
