Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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