I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
