Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
