I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
