she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
