My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
