***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
