The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
