I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
