I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
