I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
