please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
