I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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