I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
