so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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