You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
