I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
