hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
