I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
