Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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