life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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