The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
