I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
