We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
