so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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