If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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