why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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