Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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