you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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