I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
