I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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