My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
