I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
