I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
