it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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