Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There's always time for handjobs
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
