I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
