Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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